what its like

its a very strange light that eminates
watching, it dissolves all bounderies
all other definitions
until there is only that.
and i am obliterated
drawn in with the rest of the world
until there is no i, no longer any seperation
and i can lay there, grateful, unmoving
at once exactly where i want to be, and no where at all
and as i feel the last of my being turned to ashes
drawn out and scattered
i look away

other worlds..

the world spins out of control
while the chaotic and confused
tumble and crash their way around.
what slim odds we faced and conquered
to share even a moment outside that realm
and this is what i cherish, this is what i hold onto.
when the world asks if i should ever know it again
i refrain from answering, and return to that moment.
i dont hold any expectation,
i won't try and grasp at what cannot be captured
for the beauty of that moment expands inside me still
unfolding like a rose in infinite bloom
and this is what i hold onto
i fail at describing it as it cannot be truly described
i only hope that these words send an echo of recognition
that it was a beautiful moment for you too..

for wrong or right...

i picked a rose
but let it go
because i couldnt give it to you
i looked in your eyes
then i lied
because i couldnt admit the truth

im here for you to fall against
when there is no one else
ill remain your unwavering barrier
to keep you from the dark

circumstantial rivers took their course
and left us washed up on opposite shores
we write our words on rocks
and throw them across

i picked a rose
but let it go
because i couldnt give it to you
i looked in your eyes
then i lied
because i couldnt admit the truth

sometimes the more i write the farther away i get

lines trace their way across my eyes
 racing like california fields of fire
indescriminant words that devour
a girl left alone with her own grief
last words drowning as she sinks..
only angels and birds know the worst
a whole sea of broken and lonely tragedies
:(

etching

Beauty lingers as love remains

In the eye of the enchanted

Watching the snow fall around you

I am envious of the air by your side.

I rest my head against

The glass bubble surrounding you

Though we cannot hear each other clearly

I feel as if our old souls

Will recognize.

I scatter the ashes of my preconceived notions

Prior juvenile trifling

In the consciousness expanding depths

Of two souls union

Bridging the gap

The separation between halves

I hope to see you there on the other side

where the sun lays with the moon

all 5 shots at once

you spoke like scripture
the scope was so self centered
i just want to hit my own low
so i dont have to remember
the stupid choices i cant help but make

like shows on an old tv
my life is grainy from being rerun
im talking but youre not listening
you're busy carving a grave out of this rut

so i left and went to sit by the street
sick of fighting my own sickness
all the wrong things i say
you gave me so many chances
i just throw them all away..


you call falling from the ground
telling me im heading in the wrong direction
its an answer i never expected
to hear you sigh
it gets me every time...
im heading in the wrong direction

a week later im on my way out
and im fighting a friend
theres all different kinds of punishment
the universe doesn’t always keep it even
so sometimes you have to balance it

tried to steal a boat
I sunk it instead
I tried to write a letter
Then I ripped it to shreds
I woke up in the morning
Cant remember what I said

But the hurt look in your eyes
tells me it was bad
I obviously never knew
How to keep that cruel side from you
And again im heading in the wrong direction

train of thought, non-edited

my dad is blind in one eye

his retina detached

for no apparent reason at all

not that I can really know

I don’t trust anyone

Because of you

I think it’s a trick

Somehow

Im not even talking to you

And I think youre trying to trick me

What does that say about the fucked up nature of our relationship?

My head has so many gaps in it

I may never really know

Just what it was like

To be your son

Can I just get over this on my own?

Never forgive, never truly remember

The specifics of your crimes

And this frayed recollection

Would you use it against me?

I don’t know if I could trust you if I tried

Are you the reason I get so angry?

When people get away

Without responsibility for their actions?

Are you why I think everyone has to pay?

never compromise

Grande delusions wont let me be

Secluded and deluded, but still I dream

I partner with the patterns of destiny

Narrow passages that mean everything

Keeping my fidelity...

Omens of change are blowing

Impoverished souls hunger for a new view

Explicit sensations rise in revolt

While Valid suggestions are left untold

Waging a war in the name of love

Keep as best you can your fidelity...

for the people peddeling themselves

Crumble Towers in their wave

(These are thoughts about artists and maintaining artistic integrity. In our world, as more and more information becomes available, the quality is deluded and honesty is often lost. In essense its about being true to yourself, and that applies to all aspects of love and life.)

(some older stuff)

some types are bound to leave

while others lonnger stay

a faithful hearts hard to find

past the break of day

its a nice way to spend the time

sitting here silent at your side

not a lot you gotta say

when you know i love you

now its a little later

and we each got the same

look on our smiling faces

great to spend awhile

sitting next to you

oh.. i feel very much at home

i feel at home

in my life i sometimes feel stupid

i dont know what to do

im never uncertain though

while standin next to you

and the world smiles

on the loving youth

for we're always welcome

to share a perfect view

and just so you know

when im with you

i feel right at home

The Beach

i dont know how you came to me

just when i needed you the most

you came down through the distant night

and wrapped me in the broken star shine

shallow steps tred dark water

i stumbeled to the shore

youre the only one who heard 

a moonlit silhouette defined by the dark

my face, a void until your spark

etched the first lines and shape

a void outlined by vague memory

a ghost made life by your defining

a  stark and silent shade

just as the sun is damned to rise

i became whole under the dimly shattered sky.

i can feel your heart beat calling me

my own races to obey

the darkness blurs under our embrace

the night explodes in crimson shades

at the crescendo of our passionate fury

the silence speaks with a vividness beyond belief

"it's rainging again"

and all that garbage

got left behind

all along the highway

speeding through state lines

trying to find a place to stay

trying to make back the time

of my life that i spent

stationary like origami

letting all the paper boys

and paper girls

get tangled

unfortunately, ingloriously

now im making up time

speeding past the state lines

and all those ghosts

on the side of the road

wont make me lose my focus

the folks dancin in the rain

wont tempt my dutiful eye to sway

and and and..

i unfold the map l

like reverse origami

leave behind the squiggles and lines

a mess of a home town

a crumpled mess of a home

speeding pass i spare a glance

to the city of lights

in the middle of nothing

a dazzling spectacle meant for nobody but me

and and and

i move past the factories

that make the light for the paper kids to play

and i rake past the last fossils

of the great fucking american lakes

im moving faster now,

im picking up speeed

im moving faster

but this is all i need

if i move fast and far enough

the ghost will stop by the way side

and ill glide out of my old life

like  a lizard painfully shed

an old skin, an antique visage

im flying by

faster than a lovers sigh

im moving faster than

a ghost by the highway side can dance

its raining again..

"TASTE SALT"

WHEN THEY HOLD SO TIGHTLY

IT SCREAMS

THE TIDE LETS GO

THE OCEAN  SINKS

AS THE SUN FALLS

INTO THE SEA.

SO LETS GO

WITH THESE INVIsIBLE

WAVES, STARK AND RAVE

WORKING THROUGH THE PAIN

TO SEE THE GREAT

MAGNIFICENT

DELICIOUS GORGEOUS SUNRISE

ABOVE ALL THESE THINGS

THAT BOTHER, TOIL

AND TRIUMPH OVER ME

LETS HEAR IT FROM THE BACK

LIKE A KNIFE IN THE BACK

GOING OVER A REASON

TO FORGIVE MORE TO fOrGET

A SURFACE DEBT

BUT APOLOGIES COME TOO SOON

SO IM AWARE

THAT YOURE LYING

YOURE LYING TO ME

WE ALL WELCOME A COmFORTING LONELINESS

JUST SEEMS IM THE FIRST TO ADMIT

IM BETTER OFF WITH than without IT

I WISH I COULD BE

IMAGINING A SUN RED BEACH

THAT BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME

SO the moon LETs THE TIDE SWELL

AND SWEETLY QUELL

A THIRSTY SAILORS THROAT

THOUGH HE MAY HOLD

OUT

in hopes of home

now LETS DRINK THE SEA

WELCOME ITS SWEET SALTS INTO ME

IM TIRED OF HOLDING OUT

ID RATHER TASTE SALT THAN NOTHING AT ALL

SOMTIMES THE DAY RAINS AND I grin

LIKE A STUCK PIG INTO

THE face OF A sMILING drain

working so hard to carry me away

WORKING LIKE A DOG

FOR THE SIN OF STICKING THE NEEDLE

IN MY ARM.

IM BROKE.

THE KNEES THE NEEDS THE thieves

BREATHE A DEEP PEACE

IM WOrKING WORKING WORKING

IM WORKING IT OUT

im ON A PLANE

WORKING LATE, TONIGHT

TO SPITE THE POVERTY IM LIKING,

 MORE AND MORE

THE THROAT OF THE BEAUTIFUL GOAT

ID SHAKE HANDS WITH well

for a real, 

for a real deal

IF I WAS WORTH A SHIT,

i could get something

instead of nothing

for it

LAYING DOWN THE PEN

THE BLOOD TORN FUCKING WRIST

WHAT I SIGN GLADLY AWAY

I KNOW ISNT WORTh A SHIT

my eyes slowly open an inch off the floor
im laying right in front of your front door
a concusion in my head
but being this close to you
is the happiest ive been
in a month. (maybe two?)

the world has an ugliness
the lights are too blinding
wanting to reach out less and less
the trust in me is dying
the only way i ever got through it
was with only you beside me

pick myself up, brush the leaves off
light a cigarette, spit and cough
kick a bit of the broken bottle
turn away and walk a few blocks

easier to just walk away
then to hear your voice break
i would fuckup an apology
and you would scream at me

if you only knew the things i do for you..

stopping by the first gas station i find
i grab the cheapest bottle i can buy
leave the store and walk outside
make like a dove and drink to the sky

make my broken way back home
with each poison kiss i forget
the way you whispered
like subtle enchantments
and with each subtle word
you engraved your name

the world has an ugliness
the lights are too blinding
wanting to reach out less and less
the trust in me is dying
the only way i ever got through it
was with only you beside me